I choose the Cow Pants!

  I want to think that the people I love actually understand what I go through. The I am reminded they really don't get all of it. Who could really....unless you are actually living with it yourself? I have to say I am improving in the depression department. Slowly but getting there. Two of my boys called me one night last week...I was actually asleep (about 5 minutes when the  phone rang). I had gone through an endoscopy with esophagus stretching and a colonoscopy with biopsy's in both area's. The boys actually wanted me to come out and hang with them for a little bit, at a bar. I hardly ever drink anymore...maybe a couple times a year. 

  I was feeling pretty crappy but really wanted to spend time with my sons...(mine are 29,30, & 31). I hadn't spent very much time with any of them over the past year, but especially with my oldest. I still couldn't stand my clothes, they hurt! Told the kids I wasn't sure about this and how I felt. My oldest says wear your PJ's....I don't care and they won't care here either.  (neighborhood bar lol) So I pick up the nice, cotton, RED & white, COW PANTS! Has to be a hundred cows on these things at least!! Find a great big, long sleeve,T-shirt. Boy do I look rough! Grab the hat...hair not dyed lately and don't want to fix it at all. Get the tennis shoes....damn...feet are swollen again!(STILL)  I am still thinking I really should put some jeans on but the thought of how much pain that would cause made me stop that. I wanted to spend time with my boys...not cry at them. 

  I don't think they got it....that I would actually show up in the PJ's lol!! Maybe they did...they are used to me by now! lol  I felt bad but not miserable...slightly out of place for the first minute then didn't care. Move over MOO-MOO I have the COWS!!